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The unfortunate part of fantasy is no real relationship can live up to that “perfect fantasy” you have created with your lover.
Truthfully, your affair and lover wouldn’t stand up to the harsh light of reality either.
This often is indicated in a variety of ways: Do you realize the message you are giving when you say things like this to your hurt spouse?
There are many books out there, but how do you know which is the one? Here are three mistakes I see cheaters make again and again when couples are trying to reconcile after an affair. Emotionally an affair feels really good: it has intensity, a hint of “danger” which adds spice, and “everything is perfect.” However, an affair is fantasy. If you still think they are the best thing that has ever happened to you, and you’ll never find someone who can match them, you can do another reality check – make a list of all the things you didn’t like, you argued about, things that made you feel uncomfortable, their words, opinions and behaviours that hurt you. Once you see it on paper it might be easier to see why you didn’t work out. The person who rejected you has a mind of their own, and you can’t change it by force. They are exercising their free will, and unless they choose you, you’ll have to walk away.Don’t try to hurry your hurt spouse to “get over it” and recognize they will be hurt for a long time. He has sessions with one of the senior partner’s unruly teenage daughters.
Don’t keep in touch with your ex-lover, focus on your healing work.